Dec 4, 2012

i apologize

2012, so much was said about it being the end of the world.

As for me, it was certainly eventful. The year of the Dragon was supposed to be auspicious, but the dragon seem to be a little too harsh towards his mortal sibling. I wish not to publish nor do I wanna remember the negativity for the past 6 months or so. I can only say, it was difficult for me, and for those around me. If you are one person that I disappointed, crossed swords or rather, offended, I apologize. 

Everyone is now looking forward to 2013, wishing for how well it will be. I, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I will look back on 2012, and I do hope everything that has happened will make me, and you stronger. Maybe not now, maybe in the distant future, if not near. 

I may have changed, and maybe I was a lil' too stubborn at times. It was in my veins and blood. I have my ego and pride. I was too used to leading, and not following. I have learnt that listening has always been the key, but I fail to realize I do not practice what I preach. I don't, despite I being the one condemning everyone around me. I apologize. 

This isn't a confession, for I know I need to find myself again in order for you to find yourself. We both need space and time to rediscover who we were, and what we both were made of. It is the feeling, the emotions we shared. It is no longer there, and as much as I do not want us to rediscover them on separate ways, I give in. It might be a lil' too late for me to realize, that your intention was for the best of things, for both of us. I do notice the differences, I realized it is the best. I know if it wasn't for my own selfishness, we would have sorted it out the way you wanted it to be. I apologize. 

Maybe I was a lil' paranoid, so much fear was inside this young man who screams confidence every time he speak. Maybe I was a lil' too egoistic, so much pride in me that I thought will kill me off if I ever put them down. I know it was difficult for you, so much more than it was for me. I apologize. 

A little too late, is certainly the right words to use to describe what have I put myself into. Here I am to say, I have already put away my pride and ego, for I realize I can only learn the hard way. I wasn't prepare to listen, but this 2 weeks of being far away from the life I was so comfortable with has taught me much. I had everything going my way, or rather our ways, till we both hit this unexpected speed bump. It seems like we were meant to be, and yes, I still have believe that we are meant to be. I still believe it is "we both will be" and not "we were both". 

If 2012 will be the final year for all mankind, then I am proud to say, I was happy for the final 2 years of existence. I know it is not the end of times, I'll be optimistic, and I'll learn to better myself during this period of time.