Apr 27, 2011

burning water

6 weeks hiatus yet again. This shows where I placed my professionalism in blogging. In fact, was never a committed blogger, never was and never will be. As I said before, this is not a commercialized website where I praise and write bout shits I don't feel. Having said so, I thought that it is the right time for me to scribble shits and to put everything in words. Perhaps, writing is the only way where all the anger, stress, hatred and negativity of such will go.

I was pretty busy for the past few weeks. Handling various events and to take up the leadership responsibility has burned me out, totally. Physically and mentally, I just felt that I had come to a point where everything else seems so tough for me. I had come to a point where I need the world around me to be just in silence. I never did enjoyed a tranquil moment, literally, but at this very moment, I needed it. I need it as much you need to breathe in air, and as much as you need to curse every single day of your life. I needed a break from everything I was in, I needed space and time away, not because I'm running away and avoiding all the shits in life. I need it simply because I do not wish to see my love and passion perish into the abyss. I wanna make a strong come back, to be someone whom I really am.

The world around at me, the people, has made me think a lot. I was always there for the 'people', and I ain't pointing fingers but hey, I deserve a little respect. The fact is, my passion burned away because I lost hope in what I was fighting for. The reason why I get up early and do what I have to do, for the people, has been condemned. I am not asking for any sort of appreciation, but hell I did not ask for any sort of condemnation as well.

No one understands me, and is it the other way?

I understand no one, none of them, not even myself.

Everyone can say they do a better job, everyone can tell what is the best. My response is, who doesn't know? To do something great and to do something achievable is two different feat. Anyone can say that they are a better leader and has got tonnes of ways to solve problems, but when they are there to fulfill the responsibility, the tonnes ideas will just be tonnes of excuses. Lame, period.

I felt like I'm living in kettle, a place where everything has been directed to me and there's always a deadline to meet. I just have to keep the water boiling and have it done before the water runs out. I felt like I am living a world where I myself have no control to what I want, to what I really need. I wake up to fill the jug or mug or wherever you place your drinking water.

I need a little space, I am, after all, just another guy. I need to know where I am, and what I really want. I felt like I am lost. There is just no escape. Anyone has got any idea how a volcano erupts?

Wait, where's my mask?

Screw the mistakes, if any. It does not cost a thing to shit.